covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
