Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize