he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize