I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
