Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
