I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
