What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
