I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
