Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
