Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
