wanna go halves on a baby?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
