I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Randomize
