bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
