i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
