he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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