I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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