Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize