To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
