Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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