just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
