The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Ketchup is God's man juice
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
