Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
