plz talk dirty to me
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
