well you can't waste a boner
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize