road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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