party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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