Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
