The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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