someone get that fucking seahorse.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
