So drunk its hurt
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
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