My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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