I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
