Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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