I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
