The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
