hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
