On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
