I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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