I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
