she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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