I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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