A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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