Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
