and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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