I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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