to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize