whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
