So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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