I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
