That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I look better un-naked...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
