Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
