Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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