She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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