I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize