Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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