Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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