i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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