I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
