If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
