isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
