It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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