my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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