Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
