My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
