I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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