If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize