i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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