do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize